May 25, 2020: Appointments and Disappointments

The word “appoint” shows up in Middle English, around the 14^th century, borrowed from Old French. It was about “coming to the point,” bringing things to a point, or, really, just agreeing – and we think of it that way when we make an agreement with someone else about when (the appointed time) and where (the appointed place) something will take place, as in a doctor’s appointment. “I can’t, I have an appointment,” means I can’t do X without breaking an existing agreement I made to do Y.

Of course, “appoint” has other meanings, one of which is about putting somebody in a particular role or position of authority: appointing them to a judgeship, appointing them to be guardian to your minor child, etc. In French, in the 16^th century, “desappointer” arrived, meaning to strip someone of their position, to remove them from office. That meaning didn’t really make it into present-day English. We don’t get to say, “After he ran away and quit answering my emails, I disappointed him to be my kid’s guardian.” It’s understandable, but we don’t say it.

Now we use disappoint to mean letting someone down, failing to fulfill their expectations or hopes. 

The lasagna disappointed me last night. 

Or

I’m not mad at you, I’m just disappointed.

(I cannot abide the preceding sentence. A terribly, terribly, ridiculously nice former colleague wrecked it for me. I knew he meant it sincerely, but he was NEVER mad at anybody, even when just the barest smidge of anger was warranted – I’m not mad at Jim for embezzling tens of thousands from us, I’m just disappointed. WHY THE HECK was he not mad at Jim? What’s wrong with mad, in this circumstance? I once lost my temper and shouted Be MAD! No doubt I disappointed him.)

As I was pondering all of this in the byways of Google, I ran across someone claiming that if I break an appointment with you (as in paragraph one above) I disappoint your plans, (as in I Undo Your Appointment, by Dis-Appointing), BUT if that appointment was something you had agreed to without actually desiring it, THEN you might be glad I bailed, and thus Not Disappointed! (“My four o’clock cancelled, honey, so I’m coming home early!”) I grasp this idea, but it’s not something I would ever say.

I’ve got a stomach bug so I have to disappoint our plans for today.

Nah. Not in my lexicon.

HOWEVER. For all that, I just had to cancel something I was really looking forward to, and while I was moping about it, it occurred to me that the disappointment had a lot to do with losing an appointment. Due to our current crisis, I couldn’t reschedule to a specific time. I had to settle for “someday.” I couldn’t move it from one box of the calendar to another. The fact that I couldn’t appoint another time made it even more dis-appointing.