March 22, 2020 bonus content! :  Dog Vomit and Happy Birthday -

Today's a double.

Reflection: Many many years ago, my buddy Dana, an MD whose work brings her into contact with dying children and their families (fewer die now, but it’s been a gradual thing, different story), tried to give me some useful life perspective, and it turned into one of my mantras.

Dana had seen a patient that day who made her cry – she didn’t cry in front of the patient, but that evening, on the phone to me (no HIPPAA violation, no names, no distinguishing characteristics, please, this woman is a pro). We kindof processed how awful the whole thing was, and then she said, because she’s like that, “How was your day?”

I said I didn’t want to tell her. We did that dance several times, and then I caved, as I always do, and I said OKAY -- Just as I was leaving for work, my dog, who is old and sick, threw up all over the carpet, and if I left it, it would probably leave an indelible stain and it was just SO foul, and if I cleaned it up I’d be late, and my boss (YOU KNOW about my boss) would yell at me, but he doesn’t like me anyway, so I cleaned it up, and I got in late, and he was horrible, and my old dog is sick, and it was a bad day -- but NOBODY DIED, so I didn’t want to tell you about it. Happy now?

And Dana, who has this patented “sober up, honey,” move, (except it’s nicer than that, it has a lot of, “aww, babe” in it too) said: Look.

The fact that other people are dying doesn’t get the dog vomit out of your carpet.

She meant that I got to have a bad day too, even if it wasn’t going to be fatal.

I tell this story for two reasons. First, I think we are all going to have TONS of dog vomit in our carpets - as we always do, right? - and yet in the face of this big pandemic, we are not going to want to air those sadnesses and frustrations, because it is unseemly and feels like whining. But we have to have somebody we can talk to. So I think one survival skill will be to pick your person and let them know that you will give them a dog vomit pass in return for one of your own.

The second reason is that it’s Dana’s birthday. Love you, hon. We'll celebrate together another year.