January 1, 2024: Little Questions -

Here it is, the start of a new year, and I have big questions.

Not really. I have a little bit of a fever, and I'm slightly spacey, and I have very small questions, which is how I usually get when feverish. Specifically, I have questions about The Algorithm.

Why does it think I want woolen t-shirts and dresses that won’t smell even if worn nine days in a row? Or 100 days in a row? Why does it think I have any interest at all in wearing unwashed clothes for long periods?

And

Why does it think I want a bra designed by a 70 year old granny?

I grasp that by posting these questions, I may be spurring The Algorithm into sending me a tidal wave of similar ads. But my Hide This Ad muscles are strong, and I have performed an eradication before. I’m prepared.

I did click through on the t-shirts once, because I was buying a present, and I was charmed to see a review that had slipped past the marketing people, “Actually, mine smelled pretty underarmy on day two.”

And I suppose the granny bra ads are because The Algorithm knows my age and matriarchal status, and figures I would … what? Want to support an enterprising female bra-designer even older than I am? Or … maybe The Algorithm thinks all women would like to support enterprising female bra-designers of approximately their own vintage? Maybe women younger than me are pitched links for bras designed by, oh, a 50 year old social worker? A 38 year old mother of four? A 20 year old tap dancer? A 14 year old math genius?

I want to know.

Dear Women of other ages:

Does The Algorithm want you to buy bras designed by (probably mythical) women of your gen? Or does it want all of us to buy bras designed by that same (probably mythical) granny? Are we supposed to think, Boy, I bet she has wrestled with some bras in her time!

And what’s with “granny,” anyway?

And Men:

Does The Algorithm try to sell you underwear designed by a grampa of your vintage?

Operators are standing by to take your calls.