July 28, 2022: Enhancements!

My new electric toothbrush wanted me to install an app on my phone so that so I could select my brushing experience. I refused to give it my name, address, astrological sign, or telephone number, just as if it were a guy pestering me in a bar (an experience I have actually never had). I did have a guy persist once, but it turned out he knew me, and in fact was a nice academic librarian I had met when I made a trip to visit his university, so guess who was embarrassed that time. Yeah.

Anyway, I gave the new electric toothbrush the cold shoulder, and now it is judging me harshly, making frowny faces at me. (Okay, if I brush for a while I get a smiley face, and if I brush for ages I get a smiley face with stars for eyes, but still.)

The invitation to select my brushing experience reminds me of my only stay in a W Hotel, in New Orleans*, where the front desk person answered my perplexed calls with a breathy, seductive, “W…. How may we enhance your experience?”

The W was high on design. My room was entirely in black and white, save a single red pillow on the bed. There were neither towel racks nor cupboards, nor any visible towels in the bathroom: just a stark black slab counter. There were no closets or drawers in the room.

They could enhance my experience by telling me where to find a towel!

The towels were in the tub, behind the shower curtain! Of course! This works okay when both towels and tub are dry. After that, not so much.

On the other hand, the honor bar included a voodoo doll.

*summer conference in New Orleans, American Library Association, taking advantage of off-season rates.