March 8, 2023: I Rather Doubt It -

We’ve looked at Kazakh, Malagasy, Turkish, Bulgarian, Swahili, Cree, Finnish, and of course English, in my Linguistics class, and last week we spent some time on Klingon.  Here’s the thing I enjoyed the most about Klingon – it has a special morpheme that means “so-called.”  So you can say, for instance, “this chair,” or “this small chair,” or “this so-called chair.” But “so-called” doesn’t go into the slot for other adjectives like “small” or “red.” It has a different slot all its own.

My little dream-team trio of classmates was working on the Klingon problem set, and we were trying to use a Linguistics term for “so-called,” that wasn’t “adjective.” I suggested a term I’d seen in a discussion of Nishnaabemwin, which was the noun-class “Contemptive.”

I mean, Klingons are big on contempt. I could imagine one saying, “You call this pile of sticks a chair?” And then after that, they might forever refer to it as “that so-called chair.” (I’m not a huge Trekkie, but I knew more about Klingons than my young classmates, and it was the best I could do.)

I had a teacher in high school, Mr. Barich, who taught honors History and Philosophy and such, and who had grown up speaking Serbo-Croatian. Mr. Barich was smart and funny and a good teacher, and his English was great, except that he used “so-called” liberally, and inexplicably. He might say, “The so-called Civil War,” and I’d think, Well, I suppose some people called it the War Between the States. But then he’d say, “the so-called President Lincoln,” I’d think Wait ! Are you implying he was NOT President Lincoln??!

After a while I realized it was a verbal tic, mostly an announcement that a name was coming up.

But my “was he NOT President Lincoln?” gets at an important aspect about “so-called.” Sure, it could be contemptive, in the mouth of a contemptuous Klingon, but that’s not its main function. Somebody from another team suggested it was an “Attestative.”  Somebody hazarded “Evidentiary?” But nobody liked those solutions very much.

Turned out it’s a Dubitative. Of course! It gives off a subtle whiff of doubt.

I spend a fair amount of time being dubious, and it’s genetic.  I have my many-great grandmother’s Bible, in which she has written in the margins, “I don’t think so.”

Today’s big “I don’t think so” moment took place at the elementary school where I volunteer by reading with two reluctant-reader little boys on Wednesdays. I get a kick out of the guys, and I get a kick out of walking the halls and looking at the art and/or classwork, posted for all to see. In one class, each kid had written two sentences for Black History month, using a template like this:

Rosa Parks was brave when she ______. I was brave when I _____.

Or

George Washington Carver invented _____.  I will invent _____.

I was enjoying the contribution of one little girl, who had dutifully written, “Rosa Parks was brave when she. I was brave when I.”  Her teacher had posted it along with all the rest. I salute that teacher. I bet it’s been a long year, and it’s only March.

And then I came to something even more wonderful.  “Carver invented mayonnaise. I will invent skateboard.”

Leaving aside the issue that skateboard has been invented, I found myself doubting GWC invented mayonnaise. Rick likes to pronounce “mayonnaise” with a lot of emphasis on the second syllable, and he talks about how it came from the Spanish city of MaHON. I’d never fact-checked him, but I whipped out the old phone, and while it turns out there is some disagreement about the exact where and when and who, Mahon is the leading contender for place, and Cardinal Richelieu’s cook for agent. We’re talking around 1759 or so, way before Carver.

But not before aioli!!

That’s today’s factoid for you to impress your friends with: aioli came first. Aioli came from the Middle Ages! And here I thought it was a recent fad, a way for people to pretend garlic-adulterated mayonnaise was trendy.  NOT AT ALL. Aioli actually means “garlic and oil,” duh. Also, it would be great for Spelling Bee, assuming the Bee believes it’s English. I believe it’s English by now.

Where did the kid get “mayonnaise,” though? I have a theory. At the top of the George Washington Carver cutout, it says, “George Washington Carver invented many things….”  I think the kid looked at that “many” and went with “mayonnaise.” After all, Carver invented peanut butter!

Except he didn’t! I have this on the authority of the National Peanut Board.

Carver came up with over 300 uses for peanuts, including shaving cream and shampoo! But peanut paste goes back to the Incas and the Aztecs, while three guys are in contention for Inventor of Modern Peanut Butter. Carver is just the “so-called” inventor! (You thought I’d never bring this full-circle, didn’t you? Dubitative you.)